Apparently I'm in a season where this is what God is wanting me to learn--how to be patient when He doesn't speak to me. How to seek Him when it feels (although just a feeling not a truth) that He isn't seeking me.
I was reading today in Romans. And, for what ever reason, my new season of interning has led to far more prayer and far less scripture reading. I woke up this morning and my heart was on fire to get a glimpse of God through His Word. So, I went to the place my Bible had been sitting for the last little while and cracked it open.
I love that the Bible is equally filled with comfort as it is with things that call us out. In all honesty, I use that to avoid the little nuggets of truth sometimes. But, for what ever reason, God didn't allow me to do that today.
I got as far as Romans 1 before I wanted to stop and write for you all. By you all, I'm talking about all the imaginary people I envision reading this stuff, but in reality it's probably a few friends and my future self.
Anyways, it is clear in scripture that because of their unwillingness or inability to focus on God's truth God punished the Greco-Roman world by delivering them to "the cravings of their hearts."
YIKES, that's pretty rough.
But is it that much further than you and I? What we seek directly correlates to where we go. The Romans were seeking their sexual desires-- that's all they wanted.
Maybe not for as prolonged of a season, but I'm sure any modern day couple could tell you that if you're not careful it's easy to seek that kind of thing.
But, because God is God, and they sought their self desires so whole heartedly, He gave them over to their desires.
What started with sexual desire turned into something far more than just that. First sex, and then God calls them "gossips, slanderers, God haters (this one makes me so sad), arrogant, proud, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving and unmerciful."
Maybe you can too, but I can look at that list and say that I've been every one of those things in my life. But if I look at my life right now, I would say that I have most recently battled
I have to begin to ask myself, what sin in my life is preventing God from leading the way?
For me, it's been pride lately. Something that I don't normal struggle bus too hard with. For you, maybe it's greediness. But if we are really wanting to seek God and all of His glory we have to stop praying for direction and start praying to become a lot more like Him--only then will He lead us in that direction.